The FSM: Or How I Learned to Stop
Worrying and Accept His Noodly Appendage
Throughout time, man has wondered what lies beyond the realm of conscious perception. Are we alone in the universe, or is our fate guided by some unseen hand. Is this hand benevolent? Malevolent? Lubricated with some form of soothing aloe vera lotion or petroleum jelly? Many disciples and holy men have come and gone throughout the eons, but none of them before, or after, have been the disciple Bobby Henderson. He is indeed the ONLY Bobby Henderson ever to be touched by a god, and blessed with being a disciple. Perhaps back in days of yore before the English language came about there could be a disciple or holy man who’s name roughly translates to “Bobby Henderson”, but for the sake of argument we shall put forth the proposition that there has never before been a man named Bobby Henderson who was, in fact, a disciple. For this was the man whom the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) first touched with his noodly appendage, and inspired to write the religious text now known as the “Open Letter to the Kansas School Board”.
It was in this chapter where Disciple Henderson laid the groundwork, and described, in detail, how the FSM extended His Noodly Appendage and created from the great void a hill. Then, after seeing that the hill was good, but rather barren, He created a tree, and then several more. He realized that these trees, too, were good, but that this scene lacked vibrance and Pastafarian bliss. Therefore, he created a midget, just one. This midget was to frolic amongst the trees on the hill. From this first midget came our civilization. Not immediately, of course, because that would be silly. One midget cannot birth an entire civilization immediately, for that would be nonsense. But eventually, from the loins of that first midget, and perhaps the trees, a civilization was indeed born.
Which brings us to the present day. You may ask: What can Pastafarianism do for me? Well, Pastafarianism can solve one of the world’s greatest looming dangers. If all of us embrace His Noodly Appendage, and become pirates, then we can reverse the trend of global warming! Indeed, Disciple Henderson showed, through noodly-inspired graphs and charts that global warming is caused by a declining number of pirates in the world. Therefore, Pastafarianism is the only way to save the world from traumatic climate shift.
That, is the story of the FSM.
For more information, visit the official altar of Pastafarianism: http://www.venganza.org/