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Testimonies the Search for Belief in God

I look out of my window everyday and I see more than a picture, a sight, I see a creation that must of had a creator. The perfection of the birds and their pitch when they sing. The way they soar and fly in the skies and perch on the smallest of branches balancing on the wisps of the wind. The beauty of the sun when it shimmers at its most brightest. The way it reflects of any piece of glass and mirrors itself with its original powerful gleam. I could go on forever and yet something pulls me back from saying that I identify this ‘god’, this ‘creator’ that made this divine world we live in. My life has been made with many ups and many downs. At the age of 18, I have experienced things I doubt many in their later years have felt. I dont regret them, I just dont understand them and I have much anger inside that I channel to the ‘God’ that instigated these events in my life. When my three best friends died at the age of 16 in a car accident and myself and the adult driver survived the question why me and why them becomes a constant reminder of the imbalance and injustice that seems to drain our world today. Im lucky, yet I was only sitting a few cetimetres away from my friend. What did she do to deserve to die at such a young age. What did any of them do to deserve such a horrid end. A sense of guilt and blame will always be a part of me but more so a sense of questioning and not understanding how these things work. If life is so easily granted and taken does it not indicate a God of choice and power. Surely had you the choice to take a life of an elderly gentlemen who has lived life to the full and is ready to pass with a teenager who is still at school experiencing his or her first crush and has many ambitions for life you would choose the elderly man. I have explored many faiths to try and ‘find myself’ but the overwhelming feeling of forgiveness when I enter a church makes me break away and contine to dwell on my exploration of God and his true motives behind Human life and us.