After 36 years of marriage with many ups and downs, I have found the following to be true, you must have trust & respect, notice I didn’t say love. That is because love will follow, chances are if you are in counseling, you have fallen out of love with your spouse. That sounds pretty scary, but it need not be. Love comes from knowing you can count on this person, you can trust this person and be protected by this person. If you have lost any of these attributes in your marriage chances are that you have felt fear, anger and a sense of loss. With time you can regain a healthy marriage. The effort will come with commitment to being successful, and that will happen if you allow respect and trust to re-build in your marriage.
If marriage counseling is going to work, it is imperative to listen and not prejudge, you will begin to understand your spouse’s needs and the same will be true for your spouse, they will begin to understand your needs as well. Once good communication skills are learned and implemented, you will have a much better opportunity to solve the problems of your marriage. You may begin to understand your spouse better and respectfully communicate your needs as well.
Anger or violence
You must be:
Next you will need time. Nothing was lost quickly in your relationship, it is only reasonable to except that it will take time to for your relationship to re-build. It can be hard and painful, and at times you may feel that you are not strong enough, you are strong enough, and it will get easier, just give yourself and your spouse time and follow the rules to a successful marriage. Remember to never do anything that would hurt or upset your spouse, even if you don’t think it is a bad thing, if your spouse does, it is.
Ask your counselor for direction, they need to give you the tools to use, we don’t just know how to make everything better, if we did we wouldn’t need a counselor. Find a counselor that you feel you can trust, interview them first, get the “feeling” of the type of technique they practice. If you feel it matches your style and would be affective, then you may have found the right person to help you build a happy marriage.
I hope you find this helpful, in my marriage we have faced many hurtful and hard times, there are some that have said they didn’t think their marriage would survive what ours did, well there are scars, but the wounds do heal with the right mixture of respect and caring.