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Leaving a Controlling Relationship

Tips For Leaving a Controlling Relationship

Controlling behavior in a relationship is often mistaken for love because the person who holds the obsession for you makes you think that he cannot live without you and loves you unconditionally. But possessiveness is not love, it’s a power struggle. A person who is possessive in a relationship wants to hold on so tightly that the other person almost suffocates. However, leaving a controlling relationship is not always that simple since there are usually strong feelings involved and sometimes the concern for safety. Here are some tips for leaving a possessive relationship and gaining back control of yourself in a way that keeps you safe from possible harm.

You need to examine if the controlling relationship could turn volatile. Be safe when leaving a controlling partner so that you don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation. Before you even confront your boyfriend or girlfriend, let others know your plan to leave. Tell a good friend or close family members that you plan to leave and let them know the possessive situation ahead of time. This way, you can be sure to have back up in case things go sour in the break up. You may even want to bring that person along with you when you do leave the controlling partner, just to be sure nothing bad happens.

Prepare for the break up ahead of time. Pack your things when your controlling partner is at work or out. Get a friend to help you move things out before hand so that you are not stuck having to deal with an angry abusive partner. This may upset your possessive lover more, so beware of this ahead of time. Never go and get your things alone if you live together. Control issues cause people to do crazy things and their behavior to change in an instance without warning. If you share things together that you want or your partner has items of yours that you want, bring along someone who can protect you.

Calmly and kindly sit your partner down and let him know that you are not happy. Tell the controlling partner that it is not his fault, you just need some space and time to be your own person. If he yells or gets upset with you calmly ask him to respect your wishes and speak on a lower level. Hopefully, your controlling lover will let you go without too much of a fight. However, it may be that your partner has a hard time letting go of you and becomes extremely angry. If any situation occurs where you no longer feel safe, get out immediately. Never stay and try to calm an angry possessive person down. You could end up in a bad place that you don’t need to be.

Try not to stay in the controlling relationship because you are scared or feel bad for your partner. Chances are, leaving the controlling relationship will be one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do. But, unless you want to be in a relationship where you are controlled and treated like an obsession, it’s best to leave as quickly as possible before the relationship goes any further. Your possessive partner has issues that you cannot fix.  Don’t try to stay and think you can change your partner. You cannot. What he is feeling is something only he can fix. If you stay, you are only enabling the controlling behavior more and telling your partner that it’s okay to treat you this way.

Although you may think your controlling partner loves you because it’s flattering to have someone be jealous and want you by their side all the time, this is not love. Possessiveness is a mental illness like depression or anxiety and usually incorporates one or both of the later two. A partner will a controlling personality has a need to control things and people in his life. He feels helpless in getting what he wants out of life so he feels a need to make things happen no matter what the cost. Possessiveness only leads to worse behavior and can often turn abusive. No one should ever feel trapped in a relationship or made to do what someone else wants them to. This is definitely not love and the sooner you leave this controlling relationship, the better for your mental health and well being.

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