We all want to be validated by others for who we are or what we are doing. But if you do not believe in yourself, you will always feel not good enough, however hard you try in what you do. Self-belief is crucial for a healthy mind. If you do not believe in yourself you will spend your life looking for approval and validation from others. You will constantly measure how good you are by comparing yourself to someone else or even hold the belief that others are to blame for your failures.
What is important to remember is that we are all born to have our own journey. Our parents are there to give us life, sustain life and to guide us with their knowledge and experience. Other carers also are there to show us a different way of doing things or being. Teachers are there to teach us a curriculum which is set by social rules and friends and lovers are there to show us how well or not we utilise these beliefs and learnings.
If along your formative years you did not have the love and validation as a child from your parents or carers and all you had was criticism that you were not good enough, a belief will have grown and taken residence in your psyche. If at school, you did not succeed at a subject and were told you must try harder, the core belief that you are not good enough will be triggered. You will constantly be looking out for evidence that proves this belief of not being good enough.
This in turn will turn your expectations into always not being good enough, therefore when you are made redundant, which is of no fault of your own, you automatically believe it is because you were not good enough to keep the job. If you are married and your spouse leaves you, after the initial feelings of anger and grief, your trusting self-defeating belief of not being good enough will surface. This can trigger low mood which leads to depression and a self-perpetuating cycle of feeling not good for anything. You have your evidence for this thought so the belief is how you think.
Whatever your childhood, whatever your core beliefs, they can be overridden if you want to move forward. You can of course go into therapy where you with your therapist explore where the belief of not being good enough came from, you can take months or even years to try and change the thought and replace it with a more helpful one. Or you can decide that you are good enough and you don’t care if others think so or not.
Easier said than done, but not impossible. As long as you are aware that you are who you are from a combination of others thoughts and beliefs and your own charachter traits mixed with the Divine which is perfect, then you can tap into the part which will help you sustain the belief in yourself even when other don’t.
How can you do this? When you are in a situation where you feel you have to prove yourself to others, for example, you have a brilliant idea for a job venture and you tell your friends. They are not too enthusiastic, they may even tell you it is rubbish. What usually happens is the core beliefs are triggered and the thoughts that accompany them follow. Therefore if your core belief is that you are not good enough, then the thoughts which follow will be that you are a failure, a looser. If you have also suffered depression in the past, this may tip you over into a dark mood where you just shut off and go back into your dark hole.
If you choose to believe that you are part of the Divine which is perfect, then you can sustain your belief in that you have a good idea and that it may or may not work, but it doesn’t matter what others think of it. You are then better equipt to take opinions as they are, just opinions. Some of the advice given may be of use whereas some can be discarded. But your trigger will be kept at bay, as long as you are in tune with the real you who is perfect.
This does not mean that you are above everyone else. For if you are part of the Divine so are all people. So, in addition to seeing only your Divine part, decide to only see the Divine part of others. When your friends are laughing at your idea, see through this with your new sight, and notice that under the sharade there is a person who may feel as doubtful as yourself, or scared of being not good enough.
It takes practice and stamina to change a way of being into another way of being. It is always your choice. Use your feelings as an indicator of what you are thinking. If you feel happy and at peace it shows your thoughts are tuned into the Divine and you are believing in yourself. If you feel uncomfortable or frustrated, then your thoughts are in tune with your core beliefs and you are more concerned at what others believe.
It is always your choice. So do you want to feel happy and at peace with who you are? Then believe in yourself even when others don’t.