I often feel sad for the person who gives up before he achieves his goal. He is usually a lot closer to it than he thinks. The same goes for the person with tons of potential but who doesn’t achieve his goal because he is disorganized and fragmented. If you want to succeed at anything in life, you must center yourself and focus.
Giving up or being disorganized and fragmented are self-sabotaging behaviors that emanate from a person’s core beliefs about himself. If he believes that he is deserving of the goal he is reaching for, he will most likely achieve it. But if his self-concept is inferior, he will do things to prevent his goal from ever taking shape. So this person needs to focus on himself and restructure his core beliefs.
Our core beliefs are like a filter that everything passes through – our childhood, our schooling, and our interactions with other people – everything that happens in life. What emerges from our core beliefs is an endless tape of dialogue with ourselves, also known as self-talk. Sometimes our self-talk is kind to us and gives us the “Atta-boys” we need to keep-on-keeping-on and focusing on our goals. Other times, though, our self-talk beats us to a pulp and prevents us from focusing on our ambitions. We over-commit, plan haphazardly, and make up excuses for why we are not going to succeed. Our failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. It is almost as if we’re more afraid of success than we are of failure:
How to Silence Negative Self-Talk:
– Do this Exercise:
1. Triggering Event: “I’m looking for a new job.”
2. Core Belief (Self Talk): “I’m a loser.”
3. Feeling and Feeling Level (1-10): “Anger-9, shame-10, depression-9.”
4. Behavior (What I do when I feel like this): “Lose focus, withdraw into myself, give up.”
5. Evidence Supporting Belief: “I haven’t had a very good track record of sticking with things.”
6. Evidence Refuting Belief: “Just because I gave up before, doesn’t mean that I have to give up now.”
7. Alternative Balanced Statement: “I may have given up and failed in the past. But today is a new day, and this time I am going to focus on the task at hand and finish it.”
Nip It In the Bud:
Every time negative self talk begins, nip it in the bud by repeating your alternative balanced statement over and over again. The negative thoughts will lessen and eventually stop. After awhile, you will begin doing this self-talk exercise naturally, without having to write it down. Every time you challenge your negative self-talk, you elevate your core beliefs and your self-concept.
Focus on your goals and believe in yourself. Challenge negative thinking, and take charge of building positive core beliefs. Soon success will be within reach.